I can't explain why, but this made me laugh so hard I cried. Then I cried, because my family will never bury me in rich Corinthian leather.

Boring Christian lies and propaganda. Even if every single story were true - and you'd have to show me a non-Christian source to even come close to proving that - there are STILL perfectly good explanations besides a magic Santa in the sky and sadistic ghosts with rakes throwing people in lava.