R.I.P. Empire Carpet Guy
Created on: April 28th, 2011
Elmer Lynn Hauldren passed away. He was 89. I remember his carpet commercials when I was a kid.
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For Elmer;
High Pile by Jaguart
Oh, I have slippered the surly bonds of shag,
And danced with Dupont on laughter-twisted tuffs;
Earthwards I’ve rolled and joined the tumbling mirth
Of indoor-outdoor turf – and done a thousand things
You have not dreamed of - vacuumed, napped and shimmered
Bathed in a tapestry of new-smell flooring. Lying there,
I’ve chased the wavy knap along and crawled
My infant self through footless colored textures,
Down, down the lush delirious berber beige
I’ve wrestled the burning-rug remnants with easy grace,
Where never a spill, or even stain, set
And, while with silent, warming mind I’ve trod
The low untrespassed sanctity of roomspace,
Removed my shoes, and was massaged by God.
High Pile by Jaguart
Oh, I have slippered the surly bonds of shag,
And danced with Dupont on laughter-twisted tuffs;
Earthwards I’ve rolled and joined the tumbling mirth
Of indoor-outdoor turf – and done a thousand things
You have not dreamed of - vacuumed, napped and shimmered
Bathed in a tapestry of new-smell flooring. Lying there,
I’ve chased the wavy knap along and crawled
My infant self through footless colored textures,
Down, down the lush delirious berber beige
I’ve wrestled the burning-rug remnants with easy grace,
Where never a spill, or even stain, set
And, while with silent, warming mind I’ve trod
The low untrespassed sanctity of roomspace,
Removed my shoes, and was massaged by God.
I remember when nostalgia was cool, before it was appropriated by VH-1's I-love-five-seconds-ago, tired Family Guy jokes which as South Park pointed out the Simpsons happened to do first, and oh yeah, Norman Rockwell. Those were the days. Salad, halcyon type goodness. On second thought, maybe nostalgia never was what it used to be...
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