Why Hulk Hogan became a Wrestler
Created on: November 15th, 2007
Hulk Hogan's nine day week.
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Hulk Hogan is part of a cult that takes as axiomatic that the Earth accelerates rapidly on Thursday and Sunday. This alleged acceleration is rapid enough to have serious relativistic effects. Therefore, all Earth is undergoing time dilation on those days, and the 24 hours we percieve occuring on each of those days are actually 48 hours in an inertial reference frame. In order to correct this oversight, the cult views first Thursday as going from midnight to noon, second Thursday from noon to midnight.
YEAH, it's been hard to live with, man! Fe fi fo fum, Andre! One long year, and your time has come, man! No marks, no scars, no blemishes on the Hulkster, brother! But inside, man, I've been scarred for one long year. Everywhere I go, man, all the little Hulksters ask me, 'Is there any truth to the fact that there was a controversial count? Hulkster, did you really get him over your head? Did you really beat the Giant?'
"Well today, man, at Wrestlemania IV, we're gonna wipe all that controversy out. Andre the Giant, in the second round, when you're fresh as a daisy, with the whole world watching, I'm gonna prove, brother, that I can beat ya anywhere, anytime. And all my Hulkamaniacs, they're gonna feel it, too."
"Yeah! But if you look in their eyes, man, have you seen the FEAR in all those little Hulksters? They realize that when I get Andre the Giant cinched up in the launch position, when I slam him through the Trump Plaza, brother, from New York, down to Tampa, Florida, the fault line i
s gonna break off! And as Andre the Giant falls into the ocean, as my next two opponents fall to the ocean floor and I pin them, so will Donald Trump, and all the little Hulkamaniacs!
"But as Donald Trump hangs onto the top of the Trump Plaza, with his family under his other arm, as they sink to the bottom of the sea...THANK GOD Donald Trump is a Hulkamaniac! He'll know enough to let go of his materialistic possessions, hang on to the wife and kids, dogpaddle his way all the way to safety! But, Donald..
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