I Guarantee It!
Created on: May 31st, 2006
You're gonna like my cock in your mouth... I guarantee it.
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HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. WHILE I WAS PERUSING THIS STRANGE SITE, I CAME ACROSS THIS DOMAIN OF "YTMNSFW." NATURALLY, I TOOK MY PERPLEXING PENIS (PRODUCER OF PEEPEE) OUT AND SLAMMED IT INTO THE SCREEN. THIS ODD OCCURENCE CREATED THE PHOTO YOU LOOK AT NOW, WHICH IS ONLY A MILD REPRESENTATION OF THE TRUE LENGTH OF MY HUGE, HAIRY HO-SPLITTER. I GUARANTEE IT.
ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT THE INTERNETS!!1 ALERT
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, CEO AND FOUNDER OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ONE DAY I WAS AT HOME, HELPING MY WIFE TO A HANDSOME HELPING OF MY HAIRY HOT DOG. AS SHE SQUIRMED BENEATH MY GENEROUS GIRTH, I NOTICED A FAMILIAR IMAGE ON THE TV - ME. AS I LEANED TOWARD THE TELEVISION, THE IMAGE OF MY DAPPER SUIT CAUSED MY LUSCIOUS LOINS TO PUMP INTO OVERDRIVE. I SMASHED INTO MY WIFE'S VAGINA LIKE TED KENNEDY OFF A PIER, AND SOON FOUND MYSELF REACHING ORGASM TO MY HANDSOME VOICE. I SHOT FORTH A GARGANTUAN GOURD OF GODLIKE GROUP
Conspiracy up in this bitch! it's a f*cking plot to kill all the ytmnders! Ebaums world is behind this. Someone set us up the bomb! IT's a trap! YTMND has ONE weakness, and it's apparently this guy! Abandon all hope! self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct self destruct
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. YESTERDAY I WAS STROLLING IN THE SUPERMARKET WHEN A FLIRTATIOUSLY f*ckABLE FEMALE CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THE BURLY BULGE IN MY BOXERS. AS SHE INTRODUCED HERSELF I ALREADY HAD HER HEAVENLY HOMOLOGOUS HIPS PINNED TO THE WALL WITH MY LIMBER LOCOMOTIVE OF LIBIDO.
SHE MOANED WHILE MY SUMPTUOUS SEXY SERPENTINE SEMEN-SYRINGE VICIOUSLY VIOLATED HER VAGINA AFTER ASSAULTING AN ARRAY OF HER ORIFICES. WHEN I RETIRED FROM RAVAGING HER RAVENOUS RAVINES OF REPRODUCTION I PUMPED PINT AFTER PINT OF PALE PENIS-PUDDING DEEP INSIDE HER CAVERNOUS CUM-CRATER. SHE CAME SO HARD, THE STORE IS STILL FULL OF WET FLOOR SIGNS. I GUARANTEE IT.
HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. LAST NIGHT I UNSHEATHED MY MUNGO MAN SPOUT FROM MY JEANS AND FLOPPED IT DOWN IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER - YOUR SENILE DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOUR TAPPED AT HER CEILING BECAUSE OF THE CLAMOR. YOUR MOM WAS BARELY ABLE TO NIBBLE AT MY PLUMP, PRODIGIOUS MEMBER BEFORE I GRABBED IT LIKE A LASSO AND SMACKED HER ACROSS THE FACE SO HARD SHE FLEW, SPINNING, ONTO THE BED BENT OVER - AWAITING
THE ADMISSION OF MY THROBBING ACREAGE OF FLESH. SHE COULD ONLY TAKE 30 SECONDS OF HALF MY SCROTAL CAMEL BEFORE SHE FAINTED. I FINISHED UP AND BESTOWED A STUNNING LIKENESS OF THE POPE ON HER BACK IN BABY SPACKLE. I USED HER TOOTH BRUSH AS TOILET PAPER AND LEFT A QUARTER ON HER ASS. SHE CALLED ME FOUR TIMES TODAY. I GUARANTEE IT.
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. AS BEFITS ANY MAN OF MY SENSATIONALLY STUPENDOUS STATURE, I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF BRUSHES WITH THE LAW. I RECALL ONE AUSPICIOUS AUTUMN AFTERNOON I WAS LEAVING THE SCENE OF YET ANOTHER OF MY RIDICULOUSLY RAPTUROUS RAPE RUNS AT THE LOCAL CONVENT WHEN I WAS ACCOSTED BY A POSITIVELY PULSE-POUNDINGLY PRECOCIOUS POLICEWOMAN. ONE LOOK AT THE BUSTY BADGE-BRANDISHING BEAUTY HAD MY CONSUMMATELY COLLOSAL CROTCH CANNON THUMPING AGAINST MY PANT LEG FOR RELEAS
A TWITCH OF THE WRIST, AND MY MONSTROUSLY MIGHTY, MAJESTICALLY MANED LOIN LION ROARED FORTH AND DROVE DEEP PAST THE LUSCIOUSLY LASCIVIOUS LAW-LADY'S LABIA. AS SHE SQUIRMED AND SWAYED AT THE SOUL-SPEARING SENSATION THAT IS THE SPIRITUAL SEXPERIENCE OF ZIMMER, MY SOFA-SIZED SWEATY SEXUAL SWASHBUCKLER SPOUTED A SINFULLY SUCCULENT SPRAY OF SENSATIONALLY SLOPPY, SWEET-SMELLING SPERM SAUCE.
I'VE NEVER PAID A PARKING TICKET SINCE. I GUARANTEE IT.
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, PRESIDENT OF MEN'S WEARHOUSE. AS OF LATE MY CONCERN HAS BEEN DRAWN AWAY FROM MY SWEATSHOPS IN ASIALAND AND DIVERTED TOWARDS AFRICA. THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN DIE EVERY DAY THERE, NOT KNOWING A HOT, HOME COOKED MEAL. WASTING NO TIME I SUMMONED FORTH A PILLAR OF MY REPRODUCTIVE RESIN TO LAUNCH ME TOWARDS MY MISSION. THE INITIAL IMPACT OF MY LANDING SERVED ONLY TO EXCITE MY HAMMY HALBERD, SENDING SHOCKWAVES OF MY TESTICULAR MIGHT ECHOING THROUGH THE LAND.
^^^no i just have 4chan
MEN, WOMEN, AND CHILDREN COULD DO LITTLE MORE THAN SIT IN AN AIDS RIDDLED STATE OF AWE AS MY COLOSSAL CUM CANNON FILLED THEIR DRIED RIVERBEDS AND SPOUSES WITH THE FINEST MAN-JAM. THE HUNGER AND THIRST OF AN ENTIRE CONTINENT WAS SATED WITH ONE WORLD SHATTERING MANGASAM. AND THE SALTY GOODNESS ENSURES THAT NOTHING COULD EVER SPROUT FROM THE GROUND IN AFRICA AGAIN. I GUARANTEE IT.
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND C.E.O. OF MEN'S WEARHOUSE.
WHILE MY MASSIVE MENTAL FACULTIES ARE ADVANCED FAR BEYOND THE SILLY AND SUPERSTITIOUS SPIRITUALITY SPOUTED SENSELESSLY IN SUNDAY SERMONS, ALL BUSINESSMEN KNOW THE ADVANTAGES OF KEEPING UP A PIOUS PUBLIC PERSONNA. IT WAS WITH THIS IN MIND THAT I RECENTLY VISITED A LOCAL CHAPEL, THOUGH AS YOU WILL SOON LEARN, THINGS TOOK A TURN FOR THE TEMPTING, IN TYPICALLY TAWDRY, TITTILATING ZIMMER FASHION.
ALL WAS PROCEDING ACCORDING TO PLAN UNTIL MY WANDERING GAZE FELL UPON THE ROUND, ROBED RELIGIOUS RUMP OF THE CHOIR DIRECTOR, A SEDUCTIVELY SLENDER SAINT SINGING SENSUOUSLY ON STAGE. DESPITE MY DILIGENT DESIRE TO DEMONSTRATE DEVOUT DEDICATION AND DERAIL MY DIRTIER DISPOSITIONS, MY MIRACULOUSLY MIGHTY MANMEAT MESSIAH BURST FORTH WITH A FLASH OF HEAVENLY LIGHT, RISING FROM ITS TROUSERY TOMB LIKE THE RESURRECTED CHRIST. THE ANGELIC AUBURN-HAIRED ARTISTE ARRESTED HER AURAL ADMINISTRATION AND RENT HER ROBES, BEND
MY PERENNIALLY PASSIONATE PENILE POWERHOUSE PARTED HER PUBES LIKE MOSES BEFORE THE RED SEA. AS I BAPTISED THE BODACIOUSLY BUXOM BIBLE-BANGER BY SPEWING A SALACIOUSLY SINFUL SURGE OF SACREMENTAL SEMEN INTO HER HERETICALLY HOT HOLY OF HOLIES, SHE SANG NOTES ONLY AUDIBLE TO THE HIGHEST CHOIRS OF ANGELS.
THE VIRGIN MARY'S BEEN PROPOSITIONING ME IN VISIONS EVER SINCE. I GUARANTEE IT.
TAKE MOAR, COOKE.
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. WHILE SURREPTITIOUSLY PLUNGING MY ROSY-CHEEKED CYCLOPEAN ALLY INTO THE ANAL CAVITY OF A YOUNG MIGRANT FARM WORKER OF INDETERMINATE GENDER IN THE FRONT ROW OF A MOVIE THEATER, THE POOR YOUTH SCREAMED FOR MORE THAN THREE MINUTES STRAIGHT, FINALLY COUGHING UP A LOAD OF 100% PURE ZIMMER SAUCE AND PASSING OUT.
THE OTHER MOVIE PATRONS, ANGRY AT THE INTERRUPTION OF THE ADVENTURES OF SHARKBOY AND LAVAGIRL IN 3-D, BEGAN PELTING ME WITH DRINKS, FOOD, AND PHONE NUMBERS HASTILY WRITTEN ON NAPKINS. UNFORTUNATELY, MY OUTRAGEOUSLY DAPPER SUIT WAS RUINED IN THE PROCESS. I NONCHALANTLY PULLED THE UNCONSCIOUS YOUTH OFF MY ENORMOUS EYEBALL GOUGER AND STRIPPED NUDE. THEN, WITH A BESTIAL ROAR, I BEAT THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE TO DEATH--WITHOUT LEAVING THE FRONT ROW. ON MY WAY OUT, IN THE CUSTOM OF THE ZIMMER FAMILY, I GAVE THEM A BURI
BURIAL AT SEMEN. I GUARANTEE IT. ----HI I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MENS WEARHOUSE. HI, YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD FROM ME IN A LONG TIME, BUT I CAN ASSURE YOU I WAS PREOCCUPIED WITH MATTERS OF GREAT URGENCY AND SEXUAL INTENTION. IN FACT, I HAVE BEEN DOING SOME CHARITABLE WORK OF SIGNIFICANT VALUE OVER THE PAST FEW WEEKS.
IT WAS ONLY LAST WEEK THAT, AFTER HAVING DEBATED AMONG MY BOARD OF DIRECTORS A SUITABLE PRICE FOR PAIRS OF FABULOUSLY FINE UNDERGARMENTS, THAT MY ZIMMER SENSES TOLD ME SOMETHING WAS FISHY IN THE REALMS KNOWN AS AFRICA. I IMMEDIATLY LIFTED OFF THE GROUND WITH THE FORCE PROVIDED BY MY MANLY RED-BLOODED ROBUST ROCKET ROUSER AND CHARGED INTO THE SKY. THE SHEER FORCE AND SUBLIMETY OF MY LANDING CAUSED MAJOR EARTHQUAKES, AND AS THE ENORMOUSLY ERROGENOUS EARTHLY MAN-TREMOURS ECHOED THROUGHOUT THE LAND,
CITIZENS COULD DO NOTHING BUT WATCH AND SUFFER IN THEIR MASS OF STARVATION AND AIDS. AT THAT VERY MOMENT, I UNLEASHED AN INCREDIBLE SEMINAL FLOOD OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS THAT FILLED THE MOUTHS OF EVERY CHILD AND ADULT THROUGHOUT THE CONTINENT ALSO CLEANSING THEM OF THEIR AIDS AND IMPREGNATING THEIR WEAKLY WOMEN IN AN ATTEMPT TO PRODUCE AN ARMY OF MINITURE ENTREPRENEURS THAT WILL SOON CREATE THEIR OWN FLOOD OF UNSUCCESSFUL ENTERPRISES CAUSING A MASSIVE INFLUX IN THE WORLD MARKET. SOMETHING I COULD NOT FORESE
HI, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. ONE DAY, ABOUT A WEEK AGO, I WAS HOLDING A MEETING WITH MY COMPANY'S BOARD OF DIRECTORS, EXPLAINING THE IMPORTANCE OF DEDICATION, AND QUALITY IN THE SALE OF OUTRAGEOUSLY DAPPER SUITS, WHEN I NOTICED ONE OF THE MEMBERS OF THE BOARD WAS, IN FACT, A STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL BLOND FEMALE, HER BEAUTY MATCHED ONLY BY HER PROFESSIONAL MANNER AND ABSOLUTELY ELEGANT SUIT.
THIS COMBINATION OF STIMULI GAVE MY MONOLITHIC CROTCH CANNON NO CHOICE BUT TO AUGMENT AND OBLITERATE MY PANTS. WITHIN MOMENTS MY MY MEMBER HAD DESOLATED THE BOARD ROOM, THE TABLE HAVING BEEN SMASHED UNDER THE SHEER GIRTH OF MY PELVIC PULVERISER, AND THE WOMAN IN QUESTION WAS IMPALED ON ITS GARGANTUAN TIP, HAVING THROWN HERSELF IN ITS APOCALYPTIC PATH OF DESTRUCTION IN AN EFFORT NOT ONLY TO SAVE THE LIVES OF HER COLLEAGUES, BUT TO EXPERIENCE FIRSTHAND THE QUASI-RELIGEOUS EXPERIENCE THAT IS ZIMMER.
AS MY TROUSER TRUNCHEON EXPANDED, DEMOLISHING WALLS AND DISPATCHING THE INTERNS WHO ATTEMPTED TO ESCAPE WITH THEIR LIVES RATHER THAN THROW THEMSELVES AT THE MERCY OF MY THROBBING FLESH MISSLE.
MOMENTS LATER MY PHALLUS HAD KNOCKED OUT MANY OF THE BUILDING'S SUPPORT BEAMS AND THE FLOORS OVERHEAD CRASHED DOWN, THE FORCE OF THEIR MOMENTUM CAUSING THE ENTIRE BUILDING ITSELF TO COLLAPSE IN A NIGHTMARISH MANNER NOT UNLIKE A FAMOUS DISASTER FROM A FEW YEARS AGO.
I WAS SOON RISING FROM THE RUBBLE, WITH THE STUNNING BOARD MEMBER STILL ON THE TIP OF MY GOD-SHLONG CRYING ALOUD FOR MERCY, HER SUIT AS WELL AS MINE UTTERLY RUINED BY THE AFFAIR, AS WELL AS A DOZEN OTHERS STILL CLINGING TO THE SHAFT. i LET OUT A THUNDERING ROAR AND LET SPEW FORTH MY SEED WITH SUCH AWE-INSPIRING FORCE THAT THE LOAD SHATTERED THE SOUND BARRIER, VAPOURIZING MY LUSTY ASSOCIATE, CRUSHING EVERYONE IN SIGHT AND SHATTERING EVERY WINDOW IN A 5-MILE RADIUS.
IN THE AFTERMATH, STANDING NAKED AND COVERED IN CEMENT DUST, AND SMILING CONTENTLY AT THE DEMOLISHED, SEMEN-COVERED RUINS BEFORE ME, I SPOTTED A SMALL DOG, STUMBLING IN THE DEBRIS, ITS EARS BLEEDING AND LUNGS GASPING FOR BREATH IN THE HUMID MUSK. I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. WITH A LOUD THUD MY ELEPHANTINE MAN-HAMMER HAD CRUSHED THE ANIMAL LIKE A THICK, MEATY FLYSWATTER. I GUARANTEE IT.
DEAR YTMND, HELLO, I'M GEORGE ZIMMER, FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WAREHOUSE. JUST NOW A MENTALLY CHALLENGED MAN STOLE A SUIT FROM MY STORE AND CLAIMED IT WAS HIS. IN NO TIME, MY MASSIVE MANHOOD MISSILE TORE OUT OF MY FRESHLY TAILORED PANTS, KNOCKING HIM TO THE GROUND. THE LOOK OF FRIGHT IN HIS EYES CAUSED MY LOVE MACHINE TO TINGLE, AND WITH MY OBLITERATED PANTS LAID STREWN AROUND MY ANKLES, I CHARGED AT HIM WITH THE FEROCITY OF A FREIGHT TRAIN. THE LOOK THAT GRACED HIS TEARFUL EYES AS MY PULSATING POWER P
PULSATING POWER PUMP RUSHED TO MEET HIS FACE WILL CAUSE ME RUMBLIMG LAUGHTER FOR MANY YEARS TO COME. SCARED AND HELPLESS, HE TRIED TO RUN BUT IT WAS FUTILE. AS HE GOT A TASTE OF MY COLLOSAL COCK CANNON SMASHING INTO HIS CRANIUM, KNOCKING HIM ACROSS THE FLOOR, THROUGH SEVERAL DESKS, AND FINALLY CAUSING HIM TO CRASH INTO THE WALL, WHERE I STOOD OVER HIM RELEASING A DELUGE OF MANJUICE, DROWNING HIM IN MY RICH PROTEIN SHAKE. THE COPIOUS AMOUNT OF CORN SYRUP FROM MY PULSATING POWER-PACKED PUBIC FLESHMEAT FLOODED
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