About 2 weeks ago I accidentally cut my fingernails too short and became extremely hungry. So I strolled down to McDonalds to get some double cheeseburgers and fries. When I began eating my fries, something horrible happened--the salt got all over my freshly cut nails and stung like a bitch. The fries were so damn good that I couldn't stop eating them despite the pain. Later on in the night, my hands began trembling in agony. The following morning I went to see the doctor for help, and when he finally got in and inspected my fingers his face turned ghost white; he lowered his glasses, stared me straight in the eye and said, "I'm... I'm sorry Famery-Gai, but there was just too much damn salt on those fries..." The doctor then turned around and got a sawzall out of the cupboard and jazzle-fuckered my arms off in a bloody mess. Needless to say, I can no longer use a computer without assistance. Luckily enough, I was able to hire an old woman from a homeless shelter--hopefully Grace will be willing to help me continue my ytmnd adventures. Or at least give me dirty handjobs.